5 Emotional Stages of Your Friends ‘Japaing’
Confession time, guys: I’ve been putting off writing to you. and I’ve been feeling guilty, promising my latest blog post would be in your inbox soon.
I know exactly what I should be writing. And therein lies the problem because, my dearest, I haven’t had the energy or headspace to open a blank page and start tying out my thoughts.
But let’s get real for a minute; everyone out there screams ‘consistency! follow through on what you say you will’ but showing up consistently to anything you commit to is hard. I convinced myself that writing a few words a day would help me finish the content, but with so many things to do at once, the hours are not enough, and the days go by too fast — this is clearly absurd and definitely one of the reasons I’ve been putting it off.
I am here, though, and I must say, it feels good writing again. Today, I want to talk about a current pandemic we’re all suffering from — Japa culture! but first, let’s form a support group really quickly.
Hi, my name is Abby, and I am sad that my friends are staying far away from me.
Your turn to introduce yourself.
Now, when I call this, and you can relate to it, raise up a finger.
Put up a finger if you have seen 3 or more friends move away this year.
Put up a finger if you are the last one in Nigeria among your friends.
Put up a finger if you broke up with your partner because they left the country.
Put up a finger if you are lonely in a foreign country, and you miss home.
Put up a finger if you discovered a friend has moved because of a new WhatsApp number, hairstyle, or photo.
If you keep raising your fingers, then just like me, you are feeling the heat of this pandemic. I believe a rapture might be happening, and we don’t know.
Watching a friend or family member relocate to a new city or country is indescribable. You know this isn’t the end of your relationship, but things do truthfully change. Everyone grows differently, and you’ll catch up on these changes over countless phone and video calls. It’s a bittersweet experience, and you always want the best for them.
It is a wild ride with rushed emotions. Here are some emotional stages that you might go through when a family member or friend decides to move away:
Denial:
I think the first reaction to “I’m leaving in April or September” is always 😊, then it quickly turns to 😭. Nothing prepares you for the moment they say they’re leaving — or you have to tell them you’re leaving.
You feel a sting in the heart, but you put a big smile on your face and congratulate them. If you are like me, you’ll turn to a world-class actor and act like everything is normal and avoid talking about their departure.
Anger:
This might come off as selfish and ridiculous, but durrh, everyone is entitled to their feelings. It’s perfectly normal if you start to feel angry at them for leaving (even though it was for the best). You might lash out at them or ignore them, only to realize later that the cause of your action is because you miss them already.
Bargaining:
Here, reality hits. They are actually leaving, and you can do nothing about it. The clock is ticking. Both of you are anxious and want to make the most out of every moment you have. You make promises and plans for the future. You tell them how much you’ll miss them and how much they’ll miss you. Sometimes you might find yourself scheduling dates and sleepovers just to spend more quality time together, or you plead with them to push the flight date.
Acceptance:
At this point, you finally get over the fact that they are leaving for another country. The funny thing is that acceptance might come the night before they leave or even at the airport. Acceptance is never easy, but life goes on regardless.
The blues:
Have you ever cried premium tears because you woke up one casual morning missing them? You isolate yourself from others and dwell on the past. This also comes with you feeling left out and pressured to join the bandwagon of people leaving.
What happens after these stages? I am yet to find out. One thing I know is that life without the ones you love can feel empty but stay open-minded to reconnect with them as much as possible. This is just another chapter in life’s unending lessons, and right now, all you can do is stay positive that one day, you will see them again….or not.
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